IF ONLY.

As I was studying for finals, I found myself thinking, "Alyssa, if only you were consistent throughout the semester, you wouldn't be panicking now, and you would have learned so much more."

If only. We're all familiar with the phrase, "If only I could turn back time, I would..." The thing is, reality tells us that we can never turn back time, and most importantly, even if we could, would we really have done something different? I've been realizing that most of the time our decisions are not mutually exclusive with other ongoing events, our circumstances at that time led us to make those decisions.

So the question is: Do we have free will? This is controversial, but I think we have an illusion of free will. We may not know it, but we're very much influenced by other people and events. For example, don't we all consult others when making a decision? Oftentimes, our friend's opinions or values are usually informed by someone or something else too, which is informed by something else, and it just goes on and on, it's an unending chain of causal relationships. The further we trace its roots, the more it blurs. Something or someone has got to be choreographing our lives at the end of this chain, and I believe it's God. Since I was a control-freak, I would have squirmed at this disquieting thought a year ago, but now I honestly believe that God wants the best for us, therefore, His will is what we should seek. If we love Him, our will and His will will somehow merge, composing a harmonious symphony.

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"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose."

Philippians 2: 1-2

And what is that same love?

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Philippians 2: 3-4